Topic: Parenting

Colonial Day at my 4th grader’s school required a period character costume, researched and selected by the students four weeks in advance and was specifically billed as “student-driven, parent-enabled.” Fortunately for this working mom, our school emphasizes the “student-driven” aspect of such projects.

In our confusing and competitive world, it is not easy to discern what responsibilities parents have toward our children. We are often uncertain about when and whether to hold them close or encourage them to explore.

Well-meaning parents want their children to succeed. For ten frustrating years, my colleagues and I have been telling parents what a monumental pile of studies consistently show to be the keys to a child’s later academic, emotional, psychological, and financial success.

According to psychologist Carol Dweck, adults and kids who possess a growth mindset “believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work,”

Researchers are currently looking at whether working on math can help children develop self-regulation skills, such as controlling impulses, improving working memory, and paying attention appropriately, which are skills that are important not only in all school subjects, but also in other contexts, such as interpersonal relationships.

I was asked to write this blog on “grit.” A concept I mostly endorse and a word that simply annoys me. Of course hard work, persistence and diligence are good character traits. Although educator and author Alfie Kohn certainly has a point when he says that sometimes it’s just as important to know when to quit as when to forge ahead. The annoyance I suspect comes from Silicon Valley’s infatuation with the word as if it had just invented perseverance. But I’ll save this idea for another time because right now I’m writing from Southeast Asia and Palo Alto (or any of its iterations around the country) seems far away. I was asked to speak in Hong Kong, and I thought it would be a great opportunity to compare the legendary anxiety about school performance among Hong Kong parents with our own homegrown anxiety.

From Walter Mischel’s Marshmallow Experiments at Stanford University beginning in the 1960’s to a current study from the Graduate School of Education at UCSF, the conclusions have not changed: Impulse control, or the ability to plan ahead and defer gratification, enhances a child’s ability to fulfill long-term goals. Follow-up studies by Mischel and others have shown that children who are able to resist temptation have significantly better social and emotional outcomes throughout adolescence and mid-life. How can you translate the findings of these academic studies into your daily life as a parent? The ideas below can help promote self-discipline and self-control in your child.

In Part One, I discussed the importance of maintaining routines with your preschooler during the holidays. Parents found this general information helpful, but always returned with questions regarding specific situations. The questions listed below are the ones that arose most often every year.

In today’s fast-paced world where we are all busy and easily distracted, nothing is more precious to a young child than your time and undivided attention, especially during the holiday season. If you want to give your child a truly memorable holiday gift, as well as establish some family traditions and take a break from holiday stress yourself, then the gift of time is perfect. This gift is flexible, easily adaptable, and suitable for any age, schedule and budget. The ideas below are just a starting point; take it from here based upon your child’s age and both of your interests.