I remember Black Friday well. My three sons, still bloated from Thanksgiving, would somehow manage to tear themselves from their post-prandial stupor and get up at an hour generally characterized as “are you kidding?” in order to hit the stores and the sales. Black Friday was a morning of great camaraderie as a group of 7 or 8 gangly teenage boys congregated in my kitchen, engaging in their familiar rituals of affection: bumping, hitting, teasing and mocking each other.
Every year at the preschool, just as predictable as the days getting shorter, we heard the same concerns from parents about handling the holiday season. We tried to reduce the anxiety that so many parents felt about the disruption the upcoming holidays would have on a family with young children by offering the following advice around this time of year.
I am a rabid San Francisco Giants fan — not a Johnny come lately, bandwagon kind of fan (though those are ok too!) — so I was gleeful when Travis Ishikawa hit a walk off home run to clinch the National League Championship title in Game 5 last week. I loved the way his team and the crowd responded, as if they knew he would do it all along. But I mostly love his story. So much of what we hear from the world of sports is bad lately — football players punching their fiancees, Olympic athletes headed to jail, and rampant cheating among college athletes. And then there is Travis Ishikawa, a good guy who has worked hard and has finally played the role of hero.
I have been an educator for over 35 years. This past June, 2014, I retired from my position as Principal and Head of School from an institution that I co-founded in 1996. I had been in the enviable position of working with dedicated staff, wonderful children and a committed parent group. Along the way I’ve learned some things! When I first began as a classroom teacher in 1977, I was working with a very different child than the one I saw in 2014.
One September morning, Pamela, looking tired and frustrated, posed a question that always came up following any vacation from school, though I heard it most often in the fall. The summer was very enjoyable; it was less stressful with fewer daily activities for each child, no homework or projects to complete, and more time to relax. However, rules and daily routines were also relaxed, and Pamela’s assumption was that when school began, the easygoing positive family dynamic would continue.
Thursday was the technology professional development day at the District, and although I thought the day was excellently planned and carried out, and I was impressed with all the presenters, when I left, I felt battered and pessimistic. I have been trying to figure out why.
After writing the title for this blog, I stared at it for quite some time. Who I was referring to when I questioned “Beginning or Ending?” Did I mean us parents, or our children? Was it a “big picture” question about life in general or a smaller, specific question about our individual family constellations?
“The concept of childhood, so vital to the traditional American way of life, is threatened with extinction in the society we have created. Today’s child has become the unwilling victim of overwhelming stress—the stress borne of rapid, bewildering social change and constantly rising expectations.”
The best advice I ever received as a father came in 1994 from an 8-year-old girl before I even had kids. My wife and I were having dinner at our friends’ home in Palo Alto—a married couple, both of whom were hard-driving, ambitious executives who regularly worked long hours, and their two delightfully candid elementary school-aged kids. As the conversation turned to work, Carol, the 8-year-old, blurted out, “My parents work all the time.”
On paper, Castilleja is not so different from other schools. There are other private schools, even all-girl schools, that can claim the same benefits and advantages that Casti can. At least, I used to think this was the case. A few weeks ago, I discussed the practice of Senior Talks with a friend from a different school. Her school is much like Castilleja – small, all –girls, but located in a different state. They also have senior talks, where seniors speak about an important experience or idea that they want to convey to their peers, in a speech that is often moving and deeply personal. However, at my friend’s school, the best senior talks get voted on in a competition to win scholarship money. At Castilleja, the only prize you get for a senior talk or 8th grade speech is flowers …
What’s the most important determinant of students’ growth in college? According to Nancy Sommers, a researcher at Harvard, it’s not feedback or carefully designed assignments or skill acquisition, though these are central. These aspects of learning, Sommers finds, are overshadowed by another, less obvious but more important: students’ attitude. Specifically, a shift in attitude, away from evaluative and instrumental views of education (e.g, “I complete school work to get a grade, or because I need a degree to get a job,”) and toward a sense of purpose and connection.
In Cupertino, California, Hung Wei, a mother and local school board member, has worked passionately for almost a decade to improve the mental health of Asian American students. Throughout the school year, she gathers her teen staff members from Monta Vista High, a campus with a mostly Asian American student body, to produce Verdadera, a school publication that Wei founded. Verdadera, which means “truthfully” in Spanish, is devoted to honest expression and mental health. In every issue, students write about matters closest to their hearts: love, secrets, dances, body image, sexual identity, relationships with parents, and also intense academic pressures, competition, loneliness, depression and fears for the future.