Colonial Day at my 4th grader’s school required a period character costume, researched and selected by the students four weeks in advance and was specifically billed as “student-driven, parent-enabled.” Fortunately for this working mom, our school emphasizes the “student-driven” aspect of such projects.
In our confusing and competitive world, it is not easy to discern what responsibilities parents have toward our children. We are often uncertain about when and whether to hold them close or encourage them to explore.
As a clinical psychologist who works with athletes, I’m often asked to give talks to groups of parents, teachers, and coaches about healthy youth sport participation.
The Stanford student approached me after the second session of our “Exploring Happiness” course. “I’m sorry but I have to drop your class. The course conflicts with my family values.” Perplexed, I inquired further.
Several administrators at a recent conference asked my opinion on year-end student awards and assemblies. At their schools, they typically rewarded students who had straight A’s or who had GPA’s above a certain cut-off point.
Well-meaning parents want their children to succeed. For ten frustrating years, my colleagues and I have been telling parents what a monumental pile of studies consistently show to be the keys to a child’s later academic, emotional, psychological, and financial success.
According to psychologist Carol Dweck, adults and kids who possess a growth mindset “believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work,”
Researchers are currently looking at whether working on math can help children develop self-regulation skills, such as controlling impulses, improving working memory, and paying attention appropriately, which are skills that are important not only in all school subjects, but also in other contexts, such as interpersonal relationships.
“I want to be happier. I just don’t know how.” In my work as faculty, presenter and leadership coach, I hear this confession from adults, 18-80. We live complex, stressful and often disconnected lives, often bombarded by media that convinces us that buying all kinds of stuff will make us happy, beautiful, successful, prestigious, and even more loveable individuals. Sometimes it does, in the short run. The real problem, however, is that this media-created trance can blunt our quieter universal quest for deeper joy and kindness. But there is very good news. Deep happiness is within reach.
A new school year is about to begin. First, we need to get over the lingering regret about what we didn’t accomplish — the closets that remain unkempt, the books we meant to read, the friends we were certain we’d see more of and the excursions with our kids that we never got around to taking. It’s water under the bridge as they say.
This is my first year as a full time teacher, after working for many years in education as a part-time teacher, researcher, and coach with Challenge Success. Throughout the year I’ve seen the complexities and nuances of how student stress works up close. Stress doesn’t just come from one place. It’s not only teachers assigning too much homework, or a hectic school schedule, or one too many extracurricular activities. It’s deeper than any one of those things. It’s cultural, and it’s something we not only feel, but also go in search of.
Everyone wants to be successful in high school. Success comes in a variety of ways: academic success, social success, financial success (except babysitting hasn’t really been cutting it). But the kind of success that I’m describing is not something that comes in the form of a transcript or an Instagram post with this or that person. A couple of weeks ago, as college notifications were rolling out, my friend and I had a long chat and reflected on the end of high school. The conclusion we came to was one that will always stick with me: the people who truly succeed in high school are the ones that can look back and say “Wow, I had a blast doing the things I loved and I would not change a single thing.”